I had full circle moment yesterday…for those of you that watch Oprah; you know what I’m talking about. Here goes: When I was 13 weeks pregnant, I walked into my Perinatologist’s office for the first time. You couldn’t tell I was pregnant, but there I sat in the waiting room surrounded by woman with big, round, protruding bellies and wished that I too would someday have that belly…it wasn’t the belly itself that I desired, it was what the belly meant: growing, healthy babies nearly ready to enter this world. Well, today there I sat in that same waiting room and of all the women in there; I was the one with the biggest, roundest most protruding belly. I wonder of any one looked at my belly and thought what I had thought 15 weeks ago?
I have always dreamed of being a mom. We desperately tried to conceive for more than two years…in all my day dreaming and fantasizing about being a mom I never gave much thought to actually being pregnant. Here’s what I did think: I thought for sure I’d gain lots of weight. Wrong. I thought my wedding ring would have to retired for 6 months. Wrong. And I never gave much thought to the awkwardness of a huge belly hindering my every movement. NOT to be complaining, I wouldn’t trade this for ANYTHING, but I never realized how much I would hate bending over to pick something up, turning from one side to the other in bed or even getting out of bed…all of which are tremendously hard for me.
I didn’t think much about people touching my belly and seriously it doesn’t bother me at all. I really have no problems with it. What freaks me out is when people talk to the babies…like one inch from my belly and start screaming “Hello babies” or something weird like that. Do you really have to freak my kids out?
I have noticed a common thread among people. Just about anyone (Mormon or not) who finds out the twins are a boy and a girl says, “Oh, great you can be done in one shot.” And any mom of twins who comes into my work and I tell them I’m pregnant with twins replies the same, “And you’re working?” Yes, I work…the babies have to be fed.
My brother, Jeremy, reminded me a few weeks ago that I used to want twins as a kid and that I was going to name them Kara and Kiera…or something like that. I had totally forgotten. Maybe that’s why I was so sure that they were both girls early on. Interesting. And apparently I really liked names with the letter “K.” Well move over “K,” we’re going with “B.” Yep, that’s right we’ve named the babies and their names both start with the letter “B.” Nerdy I know, naming twins with the same letter, but who cares, it’s the names we loved.
I think Blossom knows what’s going on. She will cuddle up to my belly in bed and numerous times she has even put her ear right up to my belly and just “listened.” I really believe she knows what’s going on. Man, I wish she could talk.
I am amazed at my ability to talk bodily functions and weird pains and ailments with anyone, doctor or not. I really have no shame when it comes to talking about the odd things my body has decided to do, my family and close friends can 100% attest to that…seriously I’m shameless!
At 8 weeks pregnant while in California on vacation I had to go to the emergency room, I thought for sure I was miscarrying one or both of the babies. It was the worst experience of my life. They did an ultrasound and only one baby was visible. They told me there was nothing they could do. We literally drove from the ER to get our belongings and then straight to LAX. We made the flight with a few minutes to spare. I hadn’t shown much emotion yet, David was very supportive and together I knew we could get through anything. But I wasn’t ready to lose the babies, I had only know about them for a short time, but they were ours, we loved them and prayed for them, we weren’t ready to lose them. While waiting for the flight I went to one of the bathrooms in LAX and broke down. There in that dirty bathroom stall in that busy airport, I begged Heavenly Father to let me keep them—both of them—and I swore I would do anything and everything I could to protect them and be the best mother I could. I really don’t think God makes “deals,” but I was desperate. He has kept his end of the bargain and I will work everyday the rest of my life to keep my end of the bargain.
A girl that works for me recently had a baby and brought him in to work to show him off. I asked her how it felt to have him outside of her and not inside anymore, her response made me cry. She said, “I can’t even remember being pregnant.” I was overcome with emotion. All the hard work, all the tears, all the sacrifice—just to forget it all? I don’t believe it! For the first time in my life I truly understand what sacrifice means. My sole motivation and goal is to protect these babies, to nourish them, to love them, to do whatever it takes to bring them into this would happy and healthy. I’ll never forget this experience, it has made me strong, weak, humble, patient, submissive, faithful and exhausted, mentally, physically and spiritually, but pregnancy has been one of the most amazing adventures I’ve ever experienced.
7 comments:
Getting to the point of being so open about bodily anything is your brains way of preparing you for the fact that in a few short weeks at least 15 different people will see almost every part of your body and you need to be comfortable with it. Not remembering pregnancy is heavenly father's way of getting us to have more children. If you remembered all the pains, scares, inablity to move and not to mention labor, we would all only have one kid or two if you are having twins!
WOW! You are going to be an amazing mom to Baby Girl B and Baby Boy B. It is strange to think of all the things we go through to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and then to be the best Mommy in the world! Wouldn't trade it for anything!
I loved your random pregnancy thoughts! You are going to be the best mom to your babies! I am so excited for you!
The reason we forget about being pregnant is so we actually agree to being pregnant again. I sick and uncomfortable for most of it and I know I was miserable a lot of the time but now I cant remember why. So of course we are thinking "lets get pregnant again!!!" I think you are amazing to be having twins. I dont think I could do it.
I personally, only tolerate being pregnant. I don't love it, I don't hate it. I am always relieved when it's over, yet always excited when it happens again. Right now I'm in my "I can't wait until this is over and I can meet this kid already" phase. I am getting uncomfortable, and the bending over and rolling over thing thing stinks. Climbing into my lifted van in a skirt is worthy of video. This kid moves around so much sometimes that it makes me sick. Oh- and just wait until after you have them and you can pee fully again. It's the first thing I appreciate. No more mini trips to the bathroom. Ahhh...
I truly can attest to forgetting all the details of pregnancy and birth. Sam is now 18 months old and I can't even really remember what it was like to nurse him and that only stopped about 7-8 months ago. It's crazy but wonderful at the same time. I am so happy that Heavenly Father listens to you and cares about you and these babies - He wants the best for you. Good luck over the next few weeks - they'll fly by (in retrospect).
Great thoughts on pregnancy - how exciting that the time is passing so quickly. I'm eager to see pictures of your "Baby B's."
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